deeslexia

08:44 pm: Hesitant newcomer ..
Hi

I am deeslexia , well ''dee '' ... in my head . literally , it's like 6 going on 60 - bewilderment , lostness , dreamstate

I have extreme Gender dee'sphoria [ my kind ! ] and Autistic Spectrum dee's order - [ also my kind] .

From infancy , 1947-1957 ... I kinda thought that '' boy '' was just a designation , it sounds crazy , but all I knew was '' my people frequency '' that I knew , understood .. and noise / chaos / hurt . It was only later that I associated this with female / male ... ASD kids think very differently - kinda deaf to common sense .

This seems to be the Asdee stuff affecting my sense that '' I '' was same as my tomboy friends , I gravitated towards ''other '' virilised girls and women '' also '' being boys OOPS !!!

So my mentors were ALL butch teachers and librarians and budding butches / tomboys ... and FTms ...

I do not understand , or ID with Mtf at all , so all the experts have given up on me .

A few years ago , after all this stuff broke through , I met a sweet Ftm , and through his transition , a group of other boys - it was like coming home - i kinda forget who has what , like it all gets mixed up ... but I was threatened with losing my home and everything , if I did not conform .

I kept in touch with "" Danny '' until her / his Mum phoned to say that he was not on this earth anymore . i think about him all the time - could I have stopped it happening - s/he had disorientation problems , like me , so everyday was torture ... but i have my toys to help , and even a career making spaces '' safe '' [ see my profile ]

I would like to talk to ''other '' girls who have become boys - and their friends and partners , 'cos thia , other than ASdee , is the only world '' I '' feel safe in .

Thank you .

dee

02:53 pm: ASdee or not ?
Quite simply , I have had all the intelligence tests , it's confirmed that I have disassociation and derealisation which ' the experts 'initially said was childhood trauma related [ normal severe bullying for wierd kids ] , but now have admitted that there is a glitch in my head .
Now the crunch - IMMEDIATELY I began to read the stories of people with Autism , it was a world which I could actually comprehend - like , what they call '' behaviours '' or '' symptoms '' are like obvious and common sense for me - my world .
I have struggled with being a perpetual child , never understanding '' grwon ups '' for 60 years , I have had to learn to copy / mimic , to an extent that , now I sense ''me '' doing it and can't break the pattern .
Then they assume that I am like them . OOPS ! - making it worse for "' me '' .
I have found that real people in a sense have made up their minds - if I seem to be what they expect - it's impossible for them to alter that '' picture '' - so I am invisble behind the pretend me .

Does thia make ANY sense to anyone ?

deeslexia